You may understand what is going on inside the head of a narcissist, but how does that manifest itself in their behavior? What should you look for to help you identify a narcissist?
The behaviors listed here may not be manifested by every narcissist in every situation. This is a general guide of things narcissists do.
They are controlling, blaming and self-absorbed.
They are intolerant of others' views and unaware of others' needs.
They feel rejected humiliated and threatened when criticized. To protect themselves from these dangers they often react with disdain, rage or defiance to any slight criticism - real or imagined. Even constructive criticsm, kindly done and coming from someone who cares about them can provoke a violent response.
They insist on being the center of attention.
They seek favorable treatment since they believe they are special and intellectually superior.
They are convinced that others are envious and jealous of them. They often use this excuse for their lack of real, intimate friendships or as an explanation why they are having trouble interacting with someone.
When their friends enjoy successes of their own, the narcissist will find ways to punish them by downplaying their achievements, negating the validity of the achievement, denying that the achievement happened or mocking the person for being happy about it.
They lack empathy and put others down.
They feel no compassion when you are distressed, upset, sad or in pain.
They do not hesitate to exploit others.
They blame others for problems. They don't believe they make mistakes - ever, even the simplest, most common ones which other people make.
They lack the ability to process shame and they get impatient, arrogant and condescending.
They will often excuse their own shortcomings by claiming that others are pressuring them or are expecting too much of them.
They engage in risky behaviors when denied their narcissistic supply and they are prone to aggressive behavior when rejected.
They are unpredictable in their moods and actions and you will have trouble figuring out what they want and where you stand.
They may be capable of short term regret and may apologize profusely, shallowly and insincerely if backed into a corner. (Personally, I suspect this is more the antisocial than the narcissist.)
If they apologize, they will quickly rationalize their behavior and return to narcissistic patterns.
They always think about themselves before others an act as if the world revolves around them.
They lack empathy and haven't the ability to relate to others.
They have a sense of grandiosity and are arrogant.
They are self-centered and have a hard time understanding why they can't maintain long-term relationships with partners.
They blame relationship problems on others instead of taking any responsibility .
In a crowd of people, they need all eyes on them and will do almost anything to make sure the attention is on them.
They have the tendency to interrupt people in the middle of a conversation to turn the subject to themselves and they might make their overdramatize their story to accomplish this, i.e. be a drama queen.
As long as they are getting undivided attention they are happy.
They do not respond well to criticism even if the criticism is thoughtful and constructive but they are quick to criticize others.
They continuously manipulate their environment in order to exhibit grandiosity, self-importance and superiority yet despite their grandiosity they crave attention and admiration.
While they pretend to care, the reality is they don't care.
Their world starts and stops with "me, myself and I".
They believe they are exceptionally beautiful/handsome and charming - regardless of the facts.
They have absolutely no concern for others apart from those who are in a position to provide them with narcissistic supply.
They are skilled at immediately assessing the pulse of people's vulnerability to capitulate to their power and desirability.
They have very low self esteem The common misconception about narcissists is they are in love with themselves and they have an unshakable self-belief. This couldn't be further from the truth. While they seem self sufficient and appear to have an elevated sense of self , in actuality, their self-esteem is dismal and their grandiosity and arrogance is an attempt to cover this.
They are extremely insecure people who need others to boost their ego. They others to boost their crumbling sense of worth and they ride high on the collective energy. So much so that it is easy for them to believe they don't need anyone.
If you injure their ego it can make them anxious, irritable or downright aggressive. They can become revengeful and engage in retaliatory behaviors.
It's all about them and they are NOT interested in making you feel good about your achievements. They only concentrate on their own achievements.
They use all their powers of persuasion, which includes lying about my achievements, to make you insecure or jealous.
They will plant evil seeds of doubt in your mind so that you are sure to hang around.
They work hard to make you feel vulnerable. In the meantime, they refrain from revealing their own vulnerability.
In a relationship with a narcissist you will feel uncared for and emotionally neglected, because you are. They have no empathy. You are there to support them, not the other way around. If they are sick it's your job to express concern and offer to help them. However, when you are sick, expect no such kindness or concern from them.
They look down on sensitive, vulnerable people and despise people who are empathic and loving.
They mock expressions of compassion and passion.
They are devoid of empathy.
They are so afraid of their true self they would rather disparage it then admit to my own faults and soft spots.
No matter how much goodness you show to them, no matter how much of your time, effort, love, empathy, understanding, communication you show it is never enough.
Life is all about them.
Them, them, them.